The disclosed computer-implemented method includes determining that an image is to be blurred. The image has multiple pixels arranged along horizontal and/or vertical axes. The method next includes identifying a boundary size for a sliding window within which pixel values are to be sampled from the image and sampling, from pixels that lie on an axis that is diagonal relative to the horizontal/vertical axis of the image, various pixel values from within the boundary of the sliding window. The pixels sampled along the diagonal angle within the sliding window are selected according to a specified noise pattern. The method further includes performing an initial convolution pass on the pixels surrounding the sampled pixels to blur at least some of the pixels surrounding the sampled pixels, and then presenting the blurred image. Various other methods, systems, and computer-readable media are also disclosed.