The present invention provides an electronic message management system (EMS) that includes a real-time feedback loop where data is collected from the electronic messages on incoming connection attempts, outgoing delivery attempts, and message content analysis, and written to a centralized data matrix. A separate process accesses the data matrix and analyzes trends in that data. The detected data patterns, trends or behavior is based on configuration parameters for the recipient. Based on these determinations, the process is able to instruct components in the EMS to accept, redirect, refuse, modify, defer, or otherwise dispose of the connection request, the delivery attempt, or the message. Associated methods for managing the transmission of electronic messages are also disclosed.