A voice mail system includes a call processing unit to receive incoming calls and access requests, a data storage unit to store digital representations of audio messages on a storage medium, and an administrative unit to enable a user to define a voice mail profile. The profile includes a set of voice mail conditions and a corresponding set of conditional actions. Each condition specifies at least one characteristic of an incoming call or system access request. The voice mail system processes a system access request or incoming call by determining whether at least one of the voice mail conditions is satisfied and, if so, responding to the system access request or incoming call according to the corresponding conditional action.